Smile
by CharlotteBlackwood
Summary: Oneshot. Sandy and Sirius were happy. Or so she thought. Now it's all over and she still has to be happy. Here's a glimpse of a smile so fake it hurts. SB/OC


**A/N: For those of you who've read **_**I'm Not Alright**_** a songfic like that, the song being **_**Happy Go Lucky**_**, by Steps. This was picked out of my **_**Montage of Sirius**_** by reader **_**Eirdaru**_**. It is also a oneshot because as it's taken me MONTHS to write this one chapter, I've come to terms with the fact that there's just not enough material for anything more than that.**

**-C**

Even Sirius didn't know how he had hurt her. Sandy had given him everything, like a stupid, lovesick puppy she had trusted him. He had hurt her like everyone had warned her and she hadn't listened. Ah, well, there was only one thing for it. She had to fake a damn smile.

Nobody saw the heartbreak, nobody heard the tears. Not even Lily Evans, who prided herself in knowing everything about the girls with whom she shared a dormitory. In fact, after a couple of weeks, Sandy was certain she was over him herself. After all, even though she was still crying herself to sleep, it had only hurt a little bit to see him snogging that Ravenclaw girl. Well, the smiles didn't hurt anymore.

But she was so sure she had meant something to him. As she cried into the pillow that night, running over his betrayal in her mind, she couldn't believe how naïve she had been. The following morning, she'd have to put on makeup and another smile. She must be running out of smiles. She couldn't hide heartbreak forever. Ah, well. Sandy didn't have another mechanism to use, and she had to admit, she was pretty good with this one. It had to hold.

The following morning, Sandy wiped her eyes, practiced smiling, and climbed out of bed, not meeting any of the eyes in the room, and certainly not those of the discerning Lily Evans. There would be no hiding from her if they started interacting this early in the day.

Sandy readied herself for the day quickly and headed straight down to breakfast, ignoring as best she could all of the whispers as she passed. The fact that people were still talking about their break-up was horrific, almost as horrific as the break-up itself. He had cornered her in the middle of the courtyard during break in front of their entire year and a pack of gossiping third years. Sandy had done well, she hadn't cried. That would have been humiliating.

Settling herself down at the Gryffindor table, Sandy began stirring the bowl of porridge she had just pulled toward herself absently. Sirius hated porridge. She could feel herself wanting to break down and cry, so she just smiled wider and began shoveling porridge into her mouth. It would get easier eventually.

"Oi, Walsh," said James Potter, who was approaching her, "I need a word."

"Yes, Potter?" she said in a falsely cheery voice, but he didn't seem to notice that there was anything unusual about it.

"Are you going to be ready for the big game tomorrow, what with your recent emotional trauma and all that?"

She wanted to hit him. She wanted to smack him across the face and then find the nearest dark, isolated corner and cry enough tears to drown in. Instead, Sandy widened her smile and said, "Oh, James, come on, there are people out there with dead family members and you think I'm emotionally traumatized over a little breakup? I'll be fine."

What she meant to say was that her pain felt as though all her family members had died and that she was the poster-child for emotional trauma and that she never wanted to even look at a Snitch ever again. Somehow, he didn't get that translation.

"Cool, we're having a late practice tonight, no brooms, just tactics. We're going to pound Ravenclaw into the field."

"Sounds great, James," she said, sounding far more cheerful, far less hollow than it sounded in her head, and then she returned to her porridge.

She had hoped that he would leave, but no such luck. James sat down right across from her, helping himself to some bacon. He didn't have a very good sense of when he wasn't wanted, that was certain.

"Taking care of yourself, Walsh?" he said, dumping some sausage onto a plate and shoving it toward her.

"What is this?" she said, turning her nose up at the sausage, frowning at him. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking," he said sternly, waving the plate of meat in front of her face, "about the fact that you've lost what appears to be about ten pounds since your breakup, which wasn't very long ago. Now, even if I didn't care about you on a personal level, I'd have to be very concerned as your Quidditch captain. I get you don't necessarily want to confide in me, as it was my mate who ditched you, but you've got to talk to somebody, and if you don't start looking healthier, I'm kicking you off the team and referring you to Minnie, are we clear?"

"I told you I'm fine," she hissed, frowning at him. "Why won't you believe me?"

"Because I've worked with you for years, Walsh, and you may be smiling bright and talking happy, but you're not all there; you're not yourself. Please don't insult my intelligence."

Just as he said this, none other than Sirius Black himself came sauntering in with a blonde Hufflepuff on his arm: Gracie Meiers. Gracie was giggling and blushing like Christmas had come early and Sirius was effectively ignoring her, making his way toward breakfast. Of course, he sat down beside James, not even looking up to where Sandy was sitting and probably not even noticing that she was there.

It was too much. James gave her a significant look. Sirius didn't even look at her. Gracie looked at her with disdain. Sandy felt her smile tightening, slipping away, and she stood up and walked as quickly as she could to the nearest toilet, tears welling up in her eyes and bile rising in her throat.

At least no one had seen; no one knew how she had really felt.

But that wasn't exactly true. James knew. Somehow, James knew she wasn't okay, and he had seen her pain at seeming him with someone new. How long before he told everyone? How long before she could no longer hide behind a smile?

Sandy stood in front of the mirror, looking at her face. Her makeup had run with the tears. She was pale and shaky, eyes red-rimmed and dull. With a few waves of her wand and a splash of water on her cheeks, most of the damage was undone. She looked again. Still pale. Sandy pinched her cheeks, put on some lipstick, and smiled. Better.

She wandered back out to the world of her classmates, careful not to sit in line of sight of Sirius and Gracie. James was watching her, she knew, but it was better to ignore him, not give credit to his theories, even if they did have an excellent point. Breakfast was over fairly quickly, and then off to class.

Faking the smile was painful some days. Today was one of those days.


End file.
